I Love Isha

Not this one (photo from www.realbollywood.com); she seems like the kind that will steal your baby’s pacifier from her mouth.

But, this is the one I am talking about, founded by this guy, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev.  I louw you, maan.   

Peddler of all things spiritual and pseudo-scientific, like lingams and inner energy and inner science and chakras and more energies and more lingams and dhyanalingams and divine ellipsoids and solidified mercury and such.  Fascinating person, really. The reason I even came to know about him is because he will be on campus next week to speak to us about ‘Source for Success’. I will have to admit that with all the money he seems to be awash in, he is eminently qualified to talk about success.

Apparently, (according to his own delicious website) he

is a yogi, mystic and spiritual master with a difference. An arresting blend of profundity and pragmatism, his life and work serve as a reminder that inner sciences are not esoteric philosophies from an outdated past, but a contemporary science vitally relevant to our times.

Right!  I love it when descriptions are sufficiently abstract to be completely meaningless, kinda like some descriptions of wine.  Just curious, how do these people qualify to dish out said mixture of profundity and pragmatism?  Do they study for countless years with a master, or they introspect on one leg for decades? Or perhaps a lady of the lake clothed in shimmering samite comes into their dreams and whispers ‘You are the One, you know?’.  And he’s like, ‘What?’ And she’s like ‘Yea-huh, really, we are looking for a guy who can blend fecundity and astigmatism, and we think you are it.  But you will have to grow a beard, … a great big one’. And he’s like, ‘Sweet! I can do that’.

I also totally dig that each of these snake-oil salesmen usually has a catch phrase: here it is ‘inner sciences’, and its bastard-child, ‘inner engineering’.  You, discerning reader, may ask what it is this inner science or engineering; here goes (with some confusing semantics):

As we have physical science to create external well-being there is a whole inner dimension of science to create inner well being. I call it Inner Engineering.

Cho chimple.  Outside, outer engineering; inside, inner engineering.  What happens if your guts spill out?  Never mind.  And why might you be interested in making our rich man richer by taking this course?  Because it will

  • Optimize health and vitality
  • Reduce stress
  • Promote mental clarity and emotional balance
  • Increase and maintain high energy levels throughout the day
  • Reduce sleep & rest quota
  • Prevent chronic diseases like Asthma, Allergies, Sinusitis, Hypertension, Diabetes, Obesity, Rheumatism, Arthritis, Epilepsy, Back pain, Skin and eye ailments, Migraine

How many treasures we find in the website in a mere few minutes!  We come to know that he is the supreme dude, he looks like God, is more compassionate than God, has a turban God wished He had, but is way cooler than God because he rides a Beamer motorbike in the Himalayas wearing just a loincloth.

We also find some really mortal-like things coming from such a highly evolved person.  Check out this page, most of the pictures are of white or foreign-looking people, for some odd reason. Why so?  Where are all the brown-skinned desi-type people?  And Sad Guru’s pics themselves are interesting.  He appears to have actually gone to a studio to pose for the first three pics. Is this consistent with the image of someone who is on such a high spiritual plane?

And it looks like the place is rolling in money. I actually have no problem with this; if suckers want to part with their hard-earned cash, it is their prerogative.  But what I absolutely have a huge problem with is this spewing of scientific terms in random gibberish sentences, designed to appear like rocket science to the layman.  Take for instance this breathtaking passage about ‘The Science of Dhyanalinga’ a.k.a. ‘The Ellipsoid Manifesto’:

“The core of every galaxy is always an ellipsoid. A perfect ellipsoid is what is referred to as a linga. So the first form, from un-manifest to manifest-when it begins to manifest as creation-the first form that it takes is always the form of an ellipsoid.

And from our experience we know if you raise your energies to a certain pitch, the final form that your energy takes before dissolution is also that of an ellipsoid.

So the linga is seen as a doorway to the beyond, from both ends. The first form of manifestation is an ellipsoid. The final form of dissolution is also an ellipsoid. So because the A and Z of creation happen to be the linga, it is seen as a doorway to the beyond.” – Sadhguru

Help, it is raining non-sequiturs here!  And you raise energy (units of Joule) to a certain frequency (units of 1/time), and the energy takes the shape of an ellipsoid now?  How many chemicals and how much of each does one need in the bloodstream before one comes up with this sentence, which makes George W. Bush look like a genius?  Anyway, if the stuff above has left you a tad confused, here comes the deep scientific explanation, which I assume will cost you extra (emphasis below is mine):

A linga is a perfect ellipsoid. It is one form that when energized becomes a perennial storehouse of energy. Although generally associated with Shiva in Indian mythology, scientifically, this shape is the only shape that can serve as a perennial storehouse of energy.

The yogic science of making a Linga is based on this knowledge. In the Dhyanalinga, energies of all the seven chakras in the human system are raised to their very peak and locked to prevent dissipation over time, through an intense process of prana prathistha. Hence there are no poojas or rituals in the Dhyanalinga. It is expected that the energies of the Dhyanalinga will not dissipate for at least 5000 years.

Don’t know if they are taking orders for lingams, but I think I am going to get a few for my Birdday this year.  I would love to see how they convert this human energy into lingam energy, and most importantly, how do they lock it?  Would also be very cool to see the calculations behind the expecation of a 5000-year life for the energy.  Maybe I will just ask him next week when he comes to campus.


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8 Comments on “I Love Isha”

  1. Sivaram Says:

    You should go and see the ashram at Coimbatore. The amount of fuss these guys make, when you have to enter a dome where a large lingam is placed. You are not supposed to talk or even whisper and such crazy things that you will feel, why the hell did I come here.

    Man these guys definitely know how to make mega bucks. There is enough money and more available coming into these places (from India and abroad), just like FII inflows into the Indian capital market. If we were to add up the amount of donations that go into the religious institutions, this country would definitely not run deficit budgets year on year. In fact there would be surpluses galore!

    • deshvaasi Says:

      No problems with the money. As long as people want to give him, it’s between them and the guru. But, serious issues with this whole concept of one person wielding so much power over so many, and offering obtuse explanations. And, what is with the over-the-top image cultivation and aggressive marketing?

  2. Lux Says:

    Is next week’s talk at IITM a precursor to a new department opening up – the dept of Inner Engineering – with (no prizes here) an ellipsoidal building to boot?

    Wouldn’t be surprised.

  3. Satish Says:

    Watch this, the dude’s on a dirt bike 🙂

    • deshvaasi Says:

      Very disturbing how everyone seems to think alike at this place, and how questions are never really answered in real terms but in vague unverifiable generalities. Any time a human is worshipped, it alarms me. A very good friend, whom I respect very much, says that the Foundation does a lot of good to a lot of people. But, I do wonder what the cost is to those people.

      • Satish Says:

        I cannot quite understand how sane people show lack of discernment when it comes down to religion, spirituality or things like this. The human race is always vulnerable for exploitation.


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