Cape Fear

People, if you are not following the elections in TN, you are missing out on a whole lot of fun. Especially, the adventures of one Dr. Cape-tan, who used to be called Vijayakant in his acting days.  Our man has a party called DMDK (not to be confused with DK, DMK or MDMK), which is in a coalition with ADMK.  BTW, the Dr. was awarded by the International Institute of Church Management (IICM) ‘in appreciation of his services to the society’.

My retired parents have become certified Cape-tan watchers and first thing in the morning, even before coffee, they feed us Cape-tan news (some of these facts might be less true than others, but it is more fun this way, so just play along):

1. A few days back, our man was campaigning for one of his candidates. He was belting out the usual stuff: ‘Pandian will make you all rich, Pandian will lay roads, Pandian is a lion, Pandian is your son, Pandian will restore virginity to all mothers and grandmothers … etc. etc.’ Except that the dude’s name is not Pandian, it is Bhaskar. So, Bhaskar a.k.a. Pandian goes up to Cape-tan and tells him softly, ‘Anney, en peru Pandian illay, Bhaskar’. Cape-tan acknowledges his mistake and promptly grabs him by the head and beats the crap out of him in front of TV cameras.

Newspapers report next day that Cape had taken it out on a mic. 🙂 Yes, a mic owned by a man called Bhasdian and worn on top of his torso.

2. And Cape himself releases a statement the next day: ‘I didn’t hit anybody. Even if I hit someone, it is only MY candidate. And, whoever I hit will become a Maharaja’. To the uninitiated, three divergent statements that may seem like multiple choices to an exam question that has only one answer. But, these are in fact, bullit-proof defenses based on solid principles: Denial of guilt, slavery, altruism.  All three time-tested responses used by the best of us when pushed into a corner, so who are we to judge?

And comedian Vaidvelu has taken it upon himself to ridicule him because Cape had him and his house beaten up a couple of years back. He says: ‘Maybe he should just go around beating up everyone, they will all become rajas and the country will be propserous.’ Great idea, actually. Given a choice between a free home appliance and becoming a raja (especially, A Raja), heck, I will take the raja any day.

3. At another meeting, Cape sees an ADMK (his coalition partner) volunteer holding his party’s flag. Cape gets pissed off because he wants his flag to fly higher and asks his people to get that dude to down his flag. The dude says ‘No’. (Who can blame him? He knows that if he downs the flag here, he will have to face Amma when he gets back. Cape might just give you a few slaps, but Amma might sit on you. He is properly caught between a dick and an extremely soft place).

Simultaneously, this whole episode reminds Flag-Boy of that scene from ‘The Holy Grail’ in which the French taunt Arthur and  his knights. He says:  ‘I look at you Cape-tan types and fart in your general direction’. So, no, no way the ADMK flag is coming down. Cape yells a couple of times, lets out a loud belch and a fart, and then doing what every leader should do more of, runs away from the stage crying for ‘Mummy’.

4. People have finally come around to noticing that the perennial redness of the Cape eyes is not genetic nor is it runny rose-powder, but is internally generated and maintained by a constant supply of several 1 #s. And, the party (I think Cape interprets this word slightly differently) comes up with a slogan ‘aaf (half) adicha thaan aapu adikka mudiyum’.  Roughly translates to ‘Only if he is drunk can he destroy’.  Sheer genius!  I think they have latched on to the fact that in the long history of superhero-dom, there hasn’t been one fueled by alcohol.  I think they are going for that niche, and boy, are they going warp-speed ahead!

What a man! What a party! Makes me want to buy him a half and a few votes immediately.

Ensoyulu and Happy Ugadi to all you Gults out there!

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11 Comments on “Cape Fear”

  1. Ludwig Says:

    You’re back, and how!

  2. neelu Says:

    🙂 kalakitta

  3. DCaasiriyan Says:

    Awesome dude, great to see your pen (?) back in action!

    The “Maharaja” quip reminds me of a gem from a T. Rajendar movie: “Thangachi, Annangaaran kudicchittu vandhu galaatta panraanEnnu paakkuriya? Ellaam un nanmaikku dhaan ma (For non-Tamilians: “Sister, are you wondering that your brother [i.e., me] is creating a drunken ruckus? It is all for your good ..”)

    • deshvaasi Says:

      TR is sheer genius, no one can deny. Perhaps he wrote the ‘aaf adicha thaan aapu adikka mudiyum’ line. The word play, the way it rolls off the tongue, the impact! Engeyo poittanga.

  4. Ludwig Says:

    This has been brought to my kind attention today!

  5. Rajesh Says:

    Subbi – great article !!!

  6. Stumbled upon your blog by accident. Read through your posts – Hilarious and interesting. Will come back for sure.

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