Preview of Coming Attractions

Screech!

‘F***ing Idiot! F***! F***!’

‘Ahhh!’

‘What an idiot!  He could have killed us.  What a moron, I didn’t see him coming out from behind that other genius with the high beams on’

‘You said IT!’

‘What?’

‘You said like the baddest word there is in the whole Universe’

‘Which one is that? And Universe is a bit thick, no?’

‘You said the F-word’

‘Did I?’

‘Yes, you did! YES, YES, YES.  THREE TIMES!’

‘Calm down, little man. How do YOU know about this word anyway?’

‘My friend R. told me’

‘And whom did he learn it from?’

‘From the others in class’

‘So, people use this word in class?’

‘Well, some do’

‘How about you?  Do you use it?’

‘No, I just know it, I keep it in the knowledge bank’

‘What else is there in the bank?’

‘Well, I know how babies are made’

‘Really?  Umm, I am afraid to ask, but how?’

‘The egg gets fertilized to form one cell; this cell multiplies a few times, forms the embryo; the embryo then multiplies several times, forms hands, legs, organs, and finally the baby comes out in, like, 4-6 weeks’

‘It takes a bit longer, more like 36-40 weeks’.

‘Is that a long time?’

‘You should ask your mother that.  I must say though that you seem to know an awful lot for a 9-year old’

‘Yeah, that’s nothing. I also know the capital of Tuvalu …’

‘It has one? Sounds like a south-Indian breakfast dish’

‘Ask me’

‘Okay, what is the capital of Tuvalu?’

‘Funafuti’

‘That’s pretty impressive’

‘What else do you know?’

‘I know why that girl S. kicked my other friend S. in the MP’

‘What is this MP?’

‘You don’t even know what MP is?  How do you get to be so big without knowing this? You really don’t know?’

‘Really’

‘Main Point’

‘Oh, sure. She kicked him in the MP; why?’

‘Because he used the baddest word in the Universe on her’

‘I guess he deserved to be kicked in the gonads, then’

‘Go-what?’

‘Oh, no, nothing’

‘Was that another baddest word you just said? I am going to tell on you’

‘How come you don’t show this kind of attention when we try to teach you math?’

‘Because math is useless.  And I am a words person anyway.’

‘I see.  Is there anything you don’t know?’

‘Well, why are those two dogs stuck like that?’

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Explore posts in the same categories: Humour, Parenting

9 Comments on “Preview of Coming Attractions”

  1. Madhav Says:

    Hilarious dude.

    • deshvaasi Says:

      Thanksulu, this one was easy, it was almost entirely true. I shudder when I think about the next few years, especially with the little one catching up too. I think it’s about time to get seriously religious. Boss of the Seven Mountains, please help!

  2. Shiva Says:

    Wonderful piece. You are fairly consistent with the quality, Prof. If you are a dangerous influence on your kids, what about those studying under you? I guess they would have more ‘linguistic’ freedom!! I wonder what kind of ‘benign’ influence you rain upon them! On a more serious note, kids are definitely more exposed to language than we ever were. Those who haven’t seen Bill Cosby’s parenting stuff, do search on youtube. There are some absolute hilarious gems out there!

    • deshvaasi Says:

      Thanks, annathey. Can’t say I care too much about the occasional f-bomb here and there, especially if it’s not used as abuse.

      I am not sure about kids being exposed to more crap language now. I remember a friend and me insulting each other’s mothers when we were about 9 or 10, without understanding what we were saying, of course. It seemed like what we had to do to sound cool. I even threw in an alliteration for good measure, much to the dismay of my mother. 🙂

      For sure, one needs to bite the tongue a bit in front of the little devils. Doesn’t always happen though, especially when morons try to kill you on the street.


  3. wow…great narration…:)

  4. Kalyan Says:

    This one is also too cool. I can relate at a personal level with interactions with our kids


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